Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Serial Killer's Diary: Part 24

**Warning: these entries may be graphic and, hopefully, frightening.  Keep in mind this is merely fiction.  No humans (or animals) have or will be harmed in the production of this blog.  All names have been chosen at random and are not meant to represent anyone, living or dead.  Any similarities are purely coincidental**

10/30/13   8:15  PM

      Being the assistant manager has a few perks.  I get free meals.  I get insurance, both medical and dental.  Not to mention, my pay raise is higher than what I’d expected.  The best part is I don’t have to wait tables anymore.  Instead of tips, I get bonuses now.  I make the schedules too so I don’t have to worry about anyone cutting my hours or giving me every single crap shift while the hot chicks get the best tip hours. 
      I’d been thinking about how to tweak the detective’s noses and perhaps have a little fun with them.  I had planned to try a little undercover surveillance to get a feel for their schedules but there was no need.  They spent most of the day at the restaurant.  While it would be fun to put some Hemlock in their coffee it would be a horrible mistake.  Not only would it blow my cover, Don would be set free and I definitely don’t want that.  It makes me happy to know he is going to rot in jail or perhaps wind up on Death Row.  Every time I think of Don, I just want yell out, “dead man walking”.   Instead, I added a few drops of Visine to one their cups of coffee.  At first I wasn’t sure who got the loaded cup but soon enough, it was pretty obvious.  Blake spent more time in the bathroom than he did digging through Don’s desk.  Yeah, I can’t have a desk until they’ve finished so I’m stuck taking the corporate Webinars at Jack’s desk.  
      I hate that word, “webinar”.  I hate all those stupid little corporate America phraseologies and catch phrases.  It’s right up there with “actionable”, “taking ownership”, “core/corporate values” (by the way, there’s no such thing), or “thinking outside the box”.  My stupid webinar used every one of those idiotic terms and then some.  After a little “face time”, I could be a real “game changer” on the “fast track” to GIVE ME A BREAK!!!  I swear, the next time someone tells me something isn’t “brand” I’m going to punch them in the face.  How’s that for brand?  Or maybe your next “cup a Joe” or “go juice” will get a few squirts of Visine and all you “foodies” have your meals garnished with chopped Hemlock instead of parsley.  I’m headed to bed early tonight, I have that follow up appointment from the MRI. 

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